Somebody recently asked me if our baby "existed" yet. I did the math according to the current timeframe... and yes, our baby exists and is most likely in the first trimester. Maybe the size of an olive or a plum. Anyone else ever read My Pregnancy Week by Week? They always compare the size to fruit. My favorite was "this month she is the size of a banana... Is that in width, or just length?
Anyway, it's weird to think that our child "exists". It evokes just about every emotion you can imagine. Excitement, disbelief, awe, and even sadness.
I can't really fathom the reality that halfway across the world there is a woman carrying our baby. We prayed for a miracle and it has presented itself to us in a very unexpected way. Unexpected and yet perfect. This is the excitement, the disbelief and the awe.
The sadness is there because the reality is that halfway across the world there is a woman carrying a baby. She is probably praying for a miracle. She is probably praying she will be able to give her child a beautiful life. I can't possibly imagine having to make the decisions she is about to make. I can imagine though, that she does it with nothing but the love and hope she has for her unborn baby. I hope we are her unexpected miracle. Because I promise that we will give this child a beautiful life.
I am happy and excited for what lies ahead for us, but I am sad for her at the same time.
6 comments:
Thanks Marce. I needed a good cry. Beautifully written.
I got chills from your last paragraph. I never thought about it that way, but it's very profound.
Three cheers for your child that exists!! Sending good thoughts for the journey that the mother will take in the coming years. You've been looking for your miracle, and you may well be hers.
D
You make me cry every time!
Please excuse me while I scrape myself off of the floor...
Okay. This is so beautifully and honestly written. It's a testament to the kind of mother you are and confirmation that you are this woman's miracle as much as she is yours.
So very beautiful.......and this child is going to blessed, by the gift his/her Mother gives them by making this very difficult choice and by his forever Mother and Father [and big sister] who are opening their hearts to welcome precious little one.
I think you are wonderful for not only thinking of yourself, but your future baby's birth mother. It's so exciting to think your baby is out there growing. I had to laugh at your pregnancy week by week comment of the banana because I always thought that was an odd one...or the carrot! I truly believe you are the kind of parents who should be adopting and I'm so excited to follow your journey!
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