We Got Mail!!

"Dear Imants and Marcie,
Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you your home study has been approved and your name is on the list of approved families waiting for a match of a child from Korea. This decision was jointly made. We will notify you when you have been matched with a child...."

I'm pretty sure that is a HUGE run on sentence, but who am I to proofread? We have finally received the letter we've been waiting for.

Basically we are now "officially" waiting. Probably no different than what you knew before, but to us this is huge. To put it in perspective, it's like I just got a positive pregnancy test. It'll be an incredibly LONG pregnancy, but at least this one can be toasted with a glass of wine. We are told the wait for a match is another 11 to 12 months. And then wishing, hoping and praying to plan our big trip BEFORE Christmas 2009!!!!

What a way to kick off the holiday weekend! CHEERS!

OFFICIALLY WAITING TO WAIT

I said I wouldn't get anxious or frustrated until much later in the game. I said that I would be patient until we were matched (which won't be until next summer!!). As it turns out I am already anxious, frustrated and impatient. At the moment all our paper work is in to the agency... homestudy, fingerprints, criminal background clearances, physicals, references... and it is "sitting on the director's desk in the NJ office". That was what I was told. Why isn't it submitted already? We need this information to be submitted to the official office in order to be placed on the official waiting list. Every time I speak with my social worker she gives the impression that if it's not this week, it'll definitely be next week. This impression has been given for about a month now.
The longer this phase takes, the longer it takes to be matched with our baby. The longer it takes to be matched with our baby, the longer it takes for our baby to come home. So please, cross your fingers and cross your toes that we will hear something soon.
I'll keep you posted.

Our Little Nectarine

Somebody recently asked me if our baby "existed" yet. I did the math according to the current timeframe... and yes, our baby exists and is most likely in the first trimester. Maybe the size of an olive or a plum. Anyone else ever read My Pregnancy Week by Week? They always compare the size to fruit. My favorite was "this month she is the size of a banana... Is that in width, or just length?

Anyway, it's weird to think that our child "exists". It evokes just about every emotion you can imagine. Excitement, disbelief, awe, and even sadness.

I can't really fathom the reality that halfway across the world there is a woman carrying our baby. We prayed for a miracle and it has presented itself to us in a very unexpected way. Unexpected and yet perfect. This is the excitement, the disbelief and the awe.

The sadness is there because the reality is that halfway across the world there is a woman carrying a baby. She is probably praying for a miracle. She is probably praying she will be able to give her child a beautiful life. I can't possibly imagine having to make the decisions she is about to make. I can imagine though, that she does it with nothing but the love and hope she has for her unborn baby. I hope we are her unexpected miracle. Because I promise that we will give this child a beautiful life.
I am happy and excited for what lies ahead for us, but I am sad for her at the same time.

WHY KOREA?

This is probably a question that has come up for many of you. The obvious answer to international adoption would have been Latvia. However this isn't really an option for us. Not only does this process require setting up residency in Latvia, but the available situations didn't match up to our own list of priorities.

So we have researched, and attended seminars. What we learned, is that bringing a baby into your family always has risks. Whether it is international, or domestic adoption (or even biological children). The risks and unpredictability involved in domestic adoption and pursuing more biological children is not something we are comfortable with at this time. So international it is, but how do you choose a country?

We first learned about Korea at an international adoption seminar. On paper Korea had everything we had high on our list of priorities. But mostly, Korea is where we feel our child is. I've never really had that moment of clarity, feeling destined or led in some way towards something that is meant to be. Until now.

HAMBURGERS, PIRAGI AND KIMCHI

I bought myself a Korean cookbook. I know what you are thinking, "But Marcie why don't you learn to make some American dishes first". Haha, you're funny. You will be surprised to know that I actually can cook (especially if given a recipe), I just hate doing it. I figured though, that if I took the time to learn the art of the Latvian Piragi, I better learn to make a Korean Kimchi. First step is finding a Korean restaurant so we can try some Korean food, and have something to compare it to. Second step, find out what Kimchi is.

PLAN A

When we first began our adoption research I visited some adoption message boards. In these boards there was a lot of talk of Plan A. Families were very offended that someone would consider adoption to be "Plan B". I read their stories of infertility and thought, "Isn't it though?". Look how much they have spent and struggled, and mourned their infertility, isn't adoption their
"Plan B".
Then my sister got pregnant. She found a well known and respected specialist to help her through her own pregnancy difficulties. She shared my story with him. He said he wanted to meet me because he was convinced he could help me carry a baby to term. This was the answer to my prayers, i should be happy, right? I was, but not for the reasons I thought I would be. Not because I doubted him (which I did), but because I didn't know if that was what we still wanted. The truth was, I was praying for more children and that prayer was answered when we discovered international adoption. Ahh, Plan A... I get it now.

So Imants and I went out to dinner that night and I wanted to enlighten him with this amazing revelation. I explained how adoption is not "Plan B" and hoped that he would understand this crazy concept. He smiled at me in a way that made me realize that he had been aware of this all along. The only Plan A is to bring more children into our family. How that happens is irrelevant.

It sounds so simple and yet it was so hard for me to figure out. The truth is, I mourn our sons. I grievED the fact that I would not be pregnant again (yes, I'm one of the few that LOVED being pregnant). I realize now that I have NEVER felt badly of not having more biological children. It doesn't matter.
Plan A is still to bring more children into our family. It scared me when I thought that couldn't happen. When I realized that it could; closed doors began to open, the sun came out from behind the clouds, and all was right with the world again.

This is the Grumpy House

This is the first thing that Livija said to our social worker. Great first impression, right? Livija is not shy by any means, but it usually takes her a few minutes to warm up to new people. Not tonight. "This is the Grumpy House". Thanks, Liv.

When Lisa, our social worker, called to make this appointment for the homestudy she said, "don't go crazy cleaning the house, and don't be nervous". So naturally, Imants promptly took the day off of work so we could clean and stress all day prior to the meeting.

She was right, there was no need to be nervous. The meeting went great. My nerves were very quickly replaced with excitement as she told us about the process, interviewed us about what led us to adoption, and discussed the type of child we were open to (this included age and possible medical issues). She told us what to expect from our referral day, this is the day we receive information on our child. As well as what to expect from our trip to Korea. Of course she also prepared us for the wait and how to get through it when it became especially difficult, but all I could think of was seeing our child for the first time, and traveling to Korea to bring him home.

This is getting very real and very exciting. We still have a long way to go, but at least we have another step we can cross off the list... Homestudy: Check!!!

And By the way, we're a pretty happy house.