Tuesday, December 14, 2010


It's been a long journey. While I wrote this for our son, I kept it public because I hoped it helped those thinking about adoption, in process for adoption or those families navigating through the first year as a family. I have read many adoption blogs. I remember logging on to read about the referral days and imagining that one day that would be us, and yet that day sometimes seemed so very far away. Then I logged on to read about the families traveling to their children and being united on their Gotcha Days. I imagined that one day that would be us, and yet again that day sometimes seemed so very far away. I logged on to read about the first days home, the grieving, the sleeping, the eventual bonding and shed some tears watching all these families grow through the miracle of adoption. I may not have commented much, but I read and I have learned, and I will continue to follow many of you.
The past few years has taught me so much. One of the most important lessons in our quest to make another child ours, is that neither of our children actually belong to us. They are their own person. It's our job to help these little people grow to be strong, safe, secure, confident, loved and independent enough to pursue their dreams. If the day comes that our son decides it is a dream to find his birth family, I pray that we as parents feel confident enough, and strong enough, to support that dream.
The adoption journey does not end with finalization. It is a way of life. Our son may have questions, and insecurities that our daughter will not face. We have made a promise that we will always do our best and always love our son. And like most parents (adoptive and biological) I pray we don't screw it up.

I knew this blog would end one day. Two blogs and two kids are a lot to maintain. I have decided to merge both my children's blogs into one family blog. I hate to say goodbye, as I know the disappointment I have felt, when the families I followed have abruptly come to an end. If you would like an invite (my future blog will be private) please e-mail me at mdev57 @ hotmail dot com (subject blog invite) or leave your e-mail in the comments.
If you are reading because you are struggling with building your family, I hope you come to peace with your struggles. I also hope you find the family and the happiness you dream of having one day.

For now I say goodbye and thank you for reading, sharing, and celebrating with us. I am ending with a little Robert Frost. Yes, I am well aware that this is a little over the top dramatic. I am simply ending a blog, not winning an Oscar... but it's a beautiful poem with a beautiful sentiment, and well... it's my blog so I'll end it anyway I choose.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
~Robert Frost

Monday, December 13, 2010


November is National Adoption Month, Prematurity Awareness Month and Thanksgiving. All the things that built our family, ending in a day designated for giving thanks. Perfect. In the past I celebrated and mourned this month. Celebrated our son, our daughter and mourned the two that came too early. This year I celebrate(d). There comes a time that you make peace with the things that cause you to struggle. Some might believe that all things happen for a reason. I believe that our life events, both the good and the bad, lead us towards the decisions we make. It's up to us to make that decision. Our daughter's prematurity and our sons' short lives, led us to choosing that path less travelled. They led us to our son. Because of them, a boy was given a home, and a family was given the opportunity to share their love with a son/grandson/nephew. What once felt like a curse, now feels like a blessing. It amazes me the impact that those two lives have had on so many. They changed my world. I celebrate(d) each one of my children this (that) month.

No. It's not November. You caught me. I missed it. I did write this post IN November (does that count?) but hadn't actually published it, as I was waiting to include our big Adoption Day photos. That's right we have FINALLY FINALIZED. I have been too busy to update. Shame on me.
So our big finalization...I kept telling myself it was just a technicality. Kalvis is no more my son today as he was one year ago. This is just the paperwork. Sitting in the courtroom surrounded by our families (both physically and in spirit for those unable to attend), listening to the judge... yeah I cried. Just a LITTLE bit. As it turns out it was a big deal. I feel proud, blessed, and honored that we were given this opportunity to grow our family in a most unexpectedly perfect way.

And when it was all said and done, our boy not only became a legal member of our family, but a legal citizen of the USA. Nothing left to do but kick back and assume the role of the "lazy American".