Monday, July 7, 2008

PLAN A

When we first began our adoption research I visited some adoption message boards. In these boards there was a lot of talk of Plan A. Families were very offended that someone would consider adoption to be "Plan B". I read their stories of infertility and thought, "Isn't it though?". Look how much they have spent and struggled, and mourned their infertility, isn't adoption their
"Plan B".
Then my sister got pregnant. She found a well known and respected specialist to help her through her own pregnancy difficulties. She shared my story with him. He said he wanted to meet me because he was convinced he could help me carry a baby to term. This was the answer to my prayers, i should be happy, right? I was, but not for the reasons I thought I would be. Not because I doubted him (which I did), but because I didn't know if that was what we still wanted. The truth was, I was praying for more children and that prayer was answered when we discovered international adoption. Ahh, Plan A... I get it now.

So Imants and I went out to dinner that night and I wanted to enlighten him with this amazing revelation. I explained how adoption is not "Plan B" and hoped that he would understand this crazy concept. He smiled at me in a way that made me realize that he had been aware of this all along. The only Plan A is to bring more children into our family. How that happens is irrelevant.

It sounds so simple and yet it was so hard for me to figure out. The truth is, I mourn our sons. I grievED the fact that I would not be pregnant again (yes, I'm one of the few that LOVED being pregnant). I realize now that I have NEVER felt badly of not having more biological children. It doesn't matter.
Plan A is still to bring more children into our family. It scared me when I thought that couldn't happen. When I realized that it could; closed doors began to open, the sun came out from behind the clouds, and all was right with the world again.

8 comments:

Amy R said...

I thought that was written VERY lovely and well :)

Jamie said...

I agree. Beautiful thought.

Jackie, Tyler, Abry, and Baxter said...

When did you become so insightful??!! You should be a writer...I am seeing more and more of your hidden talents as you take on these life's adventures! You're my hero...or shall i say, SHE-ro?! (Hardee-har-har!)

Kelly said...

I totally agree with what you wrote; you said it perfectly. Congratulations on your journey to your baby!!!!!!!!

Kelly (holt bb)

Corey & Steve said...

I know it took a lot to get to where you are right now, but I am so happy that you and Imants are at peace with all that has happened and so excited to build your family through adoption. I can't wait to see our future nephew (or niece!)

amy and gerard said...

Yes, very beautiful, marcie. very cool insight into this major, amazing decision...best of luck.


by the way... the "amy r" up there spooked me a bit, i thought someone totally hacked into my computer!!! but she's from san fran :)

Maureen Merritt said...

You are an amazing person!

somjamthegreatestgift said...

You said it perfectly, Marcie! I am so happy that you and Imants have found peace and continue Plan A. I wish you all the luck in the world!
Thanks for opening a window into your heart. You are such an amazing woman and I admire your strength and courage.

Sommer