THE LIST

We recently attended our second round of Adoption classes. The topics were about becoming a transracial family, and discussing the losses and gains of adoption.
I invite you all to participate in an activity we did during the class. Get a pen and paper... No seriously get up and get a pen and a piece of paper.

Ok. Number your paper from 1-10

1. Write the name of the most significant person in your life
2. Name your most important role in life (i.e. wife, mother, daughter, employee...)
3. Who is your support system
4. What is your race or culture
5. Write the word "Information"-- this represents all the information you have learned that get you through the day
6. Write your favorite place in the world
7. Write "Cultural Information"-- this represents all the behaviors, norms, customs and traditions in your life
8. Write the word "Resources" -- this represents all of your assets
9. Write the word "Values"-- the represents everything that you believe to be true
10. Write something that you love to do

Now, cross 4 things that you could do without in life
It's tough, isn't it?

Look at your list again. Now, cross off 3 more things

What's left?
Cross off 2 more. And now you are staring at that one thing that you treasure most. Cross it off.

How do you feel? I took this very seriously. I stared at my list and watched my important things go away. As I crossed off my final things (Imants, and my role as a mother), I wanted to cry. I understood.

Our child is in Korea. He is living his life gaining all these wonderful things. Making his own little list. He will soon lose all these things. All that he knows is true, all that he loves, and believes, and is familiar. The only family he has ever known, he will lose.

He will slowly make a new list. We will become an important part of that list. Imants and I, as his parents, Livija, as his sister, his aunts and uncles, cousins, and grandparents. We will all give him the forever family that will create a list that he carries with him through life. I am honored to do that to yet another little life. We helped Livija build her list. It's the most rewarding thing I've done in my lifetime.

Some things will be lost, but so much will be gained. The difficulty is, gaining the trust and the faith. Once you lose your list, I imagine it is hard to believe in one again. Yes, he will be young, but if you are old enough to love, you are old enough to grieve the loss of that love. If we understand that, and we provide love, stability, and trust I have faith that this amazing little baby will grow into an amazing young man. We may never truly understand how he will feel about his beginning, but we will understand why he feels it. And we will help him through it, and love him without condition.

Thanks for the questions. I have a few on here, as well as a few verbal questions I'll address in separate posts.
So in no particular order... I'll start with...
IS LIVIJA EXCITED TO BECOME A BIG SISTER?
Not really. LOL. We haven't really told her yet. We felt that it would be easier to explain once we are matched. If we told her a year ago, she was going to become a big sister, I think she'd think the baby was coming TOMORROW. As we all know, that couldn't be further from the truth. "No Livija, not tomorrow... 365 more sleeps until the baby comes". Might as well wait on the big news.
We have introduced the idea of adoption to her, through children's books and in discussion. For instance, when looking at maternity pictures I shot recently, she said "Is there a baby in there?" To which I responded, "Yes. Some babies are born into families from their mommy's belly, and some babies are born into families other ways, like adoption". She responded very excitedly, "Like in Crazy Cakes!" (an adoption related children's story) I was glad to see she was paying attention.

I will admit, we don't censor ourselves around her so I'm sure she knows it's going on, but surprisingly doesn't say much. Sometimes I ask her if she'd want a baby brother or a baby sister, to which she responds, NO. So no, I guess the short answer is... No, she is not excited. But I'm sure she'll change her tune when she's holding a picture of our new addition. We plan to sit her down to the conversation when we are holding that much anticipated photograph.

At the end of that conversation, I plan to present her with this gift:



I can not tell you how excited I am to see her proudly wearing this shirt.

Who says a watched pot never boils? Shortly after my last post, when I discussed wishing to see some signs of Spring, these popped up!


We are enjoying the fresh air, as we prepare our big family vegetable garden.
Easter weekend we are attending our second round of Adoption classes. I'm excited for that, as it makes me feel like we are making progress.

As we get closer, friends and family are full of questions (mostly, how much longer, which I'd also love to know. LOL). In an effort of updating this blog a little more, I've decided to open the floor for questions. Don't be shy! Anything you wonder about the process itself, about how we plan to incorporate our child's culture and adoption story into our life, my theories on the show LOST, whatever!. E-mail me your questions or post them in the comment section. If you wondered about something, chances are someone else has too.

In the meantime, enjoy the spring. Get outside. It's an amazing and beautiful time of year.

WELCOMING SPRING

Time for Spring Cleaning and a new look. I find myself staring at the trees and the grass, waiting (and willing) the world to turn green. Any day now. In the meantime I've given the blog a fresh new look. Another season of waiting behind us. We're back to Spring, where we began our journey one year ago.

It has been a long time since I last posted. I probably lost my audience by now, but will continue to write since I feel it is important to keep this log for our future baby to read one day.
Nothing much is new. We believe our match will come in July or August. Followed by travel 4 or 5 months later. So while July seems right around the corner, the homecoming (which could be anywhere from October to December) seems years away. I think this wait is getting unbearable now, I can't imagine holding that picture and not being able to have our baby with us.

The good news is once we get that match, I have permission to do some shopping. In the meantime I window shop and plan nurseries in my mind.

I read a lot about bonding and attachment with your adopted child. One thing we definitely plan to do is what is now referred to as "babywearing". Not only is it common in Korea (and growing in popularity here in the states), but the benefits are wonderful. I found an article about babywearing, and highlighted a few to share:

Wearing your baby helps you develop a secure mutual attachment.

Babywearing increases parental sensitivity to a baby's needs.

Babywearing simulates the sensations of pressure, motion, warmth and security of the womb.

Carrying your baby in a sling reduces her level of stress hormones.

Babywearing can greatly reduce crying and fussiness. It also helps your fussy or tired baby fall asleep.

Babies sleep longer and more comfortably when in a sling.

Sling babies have a reduced incidence of colic and are less susceptible to vomiting and excess spitting-up.

Toddlers who were/are carried in slings initiate separation sooner, and become more self-reliant.

Babywearing has been shown to strongly benefit premature infants and lower their mortality rate.

Parents who wear their babies can more easily accomplish daily activities, tasks and chores.

The natural movement and stimulation provided by being in a sling promotes neurological development.

Babywearing gives children the message that they are safe, secure and loved.

Babywearing is the most comfortable way to hold a baby. You can use a sling on your shoulders, back or hip distributing your baby's weight evenly.

So I'm looking around and I think I like the babyhawk (see picture below), which can be worn in the front or the back. Our baby will be bigger than Livija and will not fit for long in her tiny snugli. This one gets good reviews and comes in some beautiful fabrics. The stylish fabrics was probably the selling point for me. LOL. Although if we are matched with a boy, I think Imants is leaning towards the camoflauge one.

I received some adoption books for Christmas this year. AND I've added a fancy new feature on the blog to show them off. I Love You Like Crazy Cakes and A Mother For Choco are children's books that have been wonderful in introducing the concept of adoption to our beautiful daughter, Livija.
I am currently reading I Wish For You A Beautiful Life. This is a compilation of translated letters that Korean birthmothers have written to their children. An excellent opportunity to see things from the other point of view. Have some tissues available for this one.
I have yet to read, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adopted Parents Knew. I heard it's wonderful in offering the adoptees point of view. I will offer a little review when I finish reading this one.

Thanks for the books. I still have a long list and a lot of reading to do, in preparation for our baby. I guess the long wait, can be beneficial afterall.

It's been awhile! I haven't really had much to update. Still waiting. I did speak with our social worker for the first time in a long time. She was just checking in on us. I, of course bombarded her with a million questions. The most important one being, HOW MUCH LONGER? She believes we should be matched sometime in July. We we're thinking August, so this is good news.
We will be matched when our child is at least 5 months old. Take a minute..... do the math..... our baby has already been or will be born any day now.